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| Blogs > rm_eveready074 > Last Resort 2. |
Dont you love em!
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Dont you love em! Dont mean to offend anyone with this - all in good jest - feel free to throw any scouser - oops I left me car outside and now its on bricks jokes right back at me  Don't you love the Irish? Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!' Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?' Paddy replies 'I don’t know! It’s your f***ing plane!!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'I’m gonna have the day off, I’m gonna pretend I’m mad!' He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. 'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. 'I can’t work in the friggin’ dark!' says Murphy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want don’t you?' 'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin’ bed by the looks of it!' --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common? A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arrse if you get a dodgy one! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy's chat up lines: 1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away! 2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special! 3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just can’t hold it in! 4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them! 5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up! 6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her. A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said 'I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!' --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy & his wife are lying in bed and the neighbour’s is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' and storms off. He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?' Paddy replies 'I’ve put the in our garden, let’s see how they like it!' --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Irishman is humping a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!' She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn’t even know they had mobile phones!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says 'Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!' Paddy says 'What’s his name?' Mick replies 'Miles, from London!' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past and stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'It’s thick bas****s like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there and kick the s**t out of you if I could swim!' |
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