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| Blogs > rm_DevilCharmZ > RidiculouslyIdioticMind |
Long days... Shorts nights.
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Long days... Shorts nights. The spark of emptiness fills the air. Somehow I dread when I think and feel too much. Too many thoughts make me wanna blog.. Would it soon be like an addictive drug...? Would blogging soon drowns me down....? Can't remember since when. Long days eating into the nights... Nights become relatively short.. 'Sleep' becomes irrelevant. For weeks... No. Months... Time seems to have malfunctioned. An evitable change unknowingly becomes 'inevitable'. Psychological trap? The loop that set itself running... I would really need that rest and sleep this week. Too many reasons. Yet I know.. Too many times I'd been telling myself... May it be starting from early in the night.. Or when I was very tired.. No. It always ends up the same pattern. Bed has become a place where I'll seek to retire from this world. Each time, almost feels like permanently. I wonder sometimes what would I become next? From a human into a Devil... From a Devil into a....? I miss lust. Yet at the same time I so very treasure the very truthfully innocent side to me from time to time... I hate the way I refrain myself from my desires. I hate the way I indulge into them... I hate what I'm capable of. Yet among all, I hate the way I'm incapable of telling my own future... Like it has slowly become more and more cloudy... Like I can't read it anymore? All that I was offered. All that I'd tried to avoid. To enjoy. To disapprove of. Makes me realise sometimes that CHOICE is just a BIG DELUSION in life... Some things.. No matter how you try to avoid them... Would finally still<b> head </font></b>for you... Is that such a fearful thought...? No. More like 'interesting' to me at this point of life.. Whatever might follow might just come flowing into me to bear.... Probably only when I allow them to fill me. Damn if allow them to, damn if I don't. Can someone can kill this monster please...? When would I ever learn to make a proper decision...? |
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11/30/2009 8:56 am |
u know who is the "monster " that u want to kill? its urself....u have a mind of ur own...dont let that monster trap u in that non sleepy nights....sometimes its psychological already....fight it.....so that u will not turn into a devil...but a devilcharmz.....lol
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u know who is the "monster " that u want to kill? its urself....u have a mind of ur own...dont let that monster trap u in that non sleepy nights....sometimes its psychological already....fight it.....so that u will not turn into a devil...but a devilcharmz.....lol Sometimes... Just sometimes... I'm getting a little 'afraid' of myself....? It's like I'm seeing pieces of me falling apart... And I can't recognise what's beneath it...? 
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11/30/2009 8:13 pm |
maybe seeing a psychologist will help? just a suggestion...or just divert ur attention to a nicer things ..doing something nice that will makes u tired and suddenly makes u feel sleepy....
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i hate sleepless nites....it only happens when you have internal imbalance which could be result of anything...worries? anxiety? or over active mind! I dunt want sleepless nites to haunt me... 
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Actually, I'm FULLY AWARE of that! But there're just so many things I'm aware of but not following....
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