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So long forever blogland ! (see you tomorrow)
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So long forever blogland ! (see you tomorrow) As I was deleting all the Louis CK comedy specials off my DVR (turns out he's a real piece of shit - if you ever see him throw a rock at his head , you may go to jail but it will be worth it) and thinking about all the people/things that I have to boycott due to their various misdeeds I realizes Affairlook - Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now - should really be on that list . There's tons of people doing shady shit on here and if I had the courage of my convictions I wouldn't patronize such a place . Especially because it's not like I'm even trying to get laid , I'm 'just here to blog' . Talk about a flimsy excuse . "Ah no , no , I need to be on Affairlook so the three people that read my blog will now what I think about what happened on TV last night ." And yet here I am . I don't want to be one of those people who's always whinging on about "the blogs are no good anymore" , "the blogs aren't what they used to be" , "back in my day there was a real blog community" etc. etc. but looking around what even is this place anymore ? Seems to mostly to be points giveaways . I get that people come and go but it seems like there's no new blood coming in - just people leaving . Anyway , my Amazon account got fucked in the ass by hackers so to be on the safe side I cancelled all my credit cards which means until I get new ones I'm paying cash money homie . This morning I took out my actual money and the person behind me in line at the store made the "can you believe this GUY" noise . But I don't understand why . I give them the money they give me my change - takes 8 seconds . Putting your card into the chip reader and waiting and signing and all that take way longer . Why are people giving me the business for paying with real money ? I don't get it .  The point is you're got 7-10 days where I'll actually have money on me if you want to rob me . Remember that time in HS when that dude pulled a knife on me and my buddy Joey Abs and he was all like "give me your money !" . We were teenagers in a barely functional 77 Datsun Station Wagon - why did he think we had any money ? I hope he enjoyed the tokens for the arcade we had . I was super afraid to go anywhere for a couple weeks after that (on account of I'm a nancy-boy as you know , but not the good BSDM kind) but eventually I said to myself "he just wanted money he wouldn't have actually hurt us" . Then the next week he was in the paper for stabbing a dude . My best friend was always talking about the shenanigans on her neighborhood page so I joined mine a while back - up until now there's been a few items of minor enjoyment but today I hit paydirt . Big time . Someone posted that a woman in our neighborhood died because she kept "a chest of sex devices" in her sun room and the heat made said sex devices emit toxins and said toxins built up in said sunroom and suffocated her . Magnifique ! ONE person said what appears to be the truth - that no one died and said neighbor is perfectly fine making the whole story complete bunk . A couple people said that the sex toy aspect was BS and that she died of heart attack . A BUNCH of people got into a big fight about sex toys quickly forming two camps - the 'sex toys are for gross deviants and I hope they die' group and the "a woman having a vibrator is not a big deal camp' . Once they ran out of mean things to say about each other they started posting polls and strangely almost every poll had the same results 60% to 40% - it's almost like they had entrenched themselves in their position and there was no opportunity for any kind of productive dialog . I am mildly disturbed that 60% of the people in my neighborhood believe that sex outside of marriage is more physically dangerous than driving . 2016 Iowa Auto Fatalities - 404 2016 Iowa Sex Fatalities - 0 Iowa Sex Fatalities would be a good name for my experimental rock trio . Anyway it was a real hoot reading this insane bullshit they were "shouting" at each other . And I needed a pick me up because this week sucked a big hairy dick . In other awesome news I've got a bunch of acne on my ass . Why is that happening ? I someone smearing bacon grease on my ass while I sleep ? Why would they do that ? Don't I have enough problems ? Sometimes when people threaten me I think of that scene in Bad Santa where Billy Bob laughs bitterly at the woman who says she's going to speak to his manager and he says "You think you can make my life any fucking worse ? Go ahead , take a shot" but then I tell myself that I shouldn't think that because it can ALWAYS be worse . Always . Like whatever bad shit you're going through you have to ask yourself - are you on fire ? If the answer is 'no' then your situation could be worse . Because you could have all your current problems and also be on fire . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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The piece de resistance of this online shouting match was a lesbian couple posting a picture of themselves sitting in their sun room reading the paper with a vast array of sex toys spread out before them . It was a glorious sight . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I'm so glad you're finally getting some good neighborhood absurdity. Not only are you not on fire, you don't live in Texas or Florida. Or Montana. No risk of hurricanes in Iowa, and little risk of wildfires or earthquakes. Cheers.   
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I'm sorry that your week sucked a big, hairy dick. I can see that would be bad - from your point of view (not mine) My week was like an acne-studded butt. At least I'm not on fire ... thanks for that. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Would sucking a big hairy dick be worse than sucking a small hairless one? Pubic hair can be a point of contention. Bacon Grease has some lube qualities, maybe with a bit of clove it would provide topical relief, but hey, I haven't been sneaking into your house. And I'm not all that big or hairy Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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but i like Louis CK. shit. this week sucks. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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