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Previously on freak wharf
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Previously on freak wharf Do not call up what you cannot put down . That's what you're supposed to say when someone with meddling with the dark power of the Elder Gods but it also works for a cocktease . So I was railing this SUPER hot SUPER rich lady the other day and she was fingering my asshole while I was pounding away - which sidenote takes a fair amount of coordination so kudos to her - but she had a ring on said finger so it was kind of uncomfortable . Which is a weird thing to say about having stuff crammed in your butt but you know what I mean right ? Why did she use THAT finger ? She had other ringless fingers . Was she doing it on purpose ? Or was that her asshole fingering finger and she can't do it with another one ? And if so why does she wear the ring on THAT finger ? Anyway it's weird to think a woman is walking around wearing something that was in my ass . It's a funny old world isn't it ? Why are so many vibrators pink or purple ? I guess pink it sometimes what they say the skin tone of white people is even though it's really not - but who would want a vibrator that is the actual color of white people's skin ? No one , that would be awful . I guess the inside of a pussy is pink so maybe it's supposed to match ? And I guess sometimes they call a dick a purple headed warrior although I've never seen one get purple really - darker sure , but straight up purple ? Nah . Have you ? Have you ever seen a red vibrator ? I haven't . Or green ? I dated a gal once with gold one and when it blew up she wanted another gold one but it was really hard to find one . Especially since she REFUSED to shop for sex toys online which is bonkers . Somehow she thought that was more likely to result in someone finding out which makes no sense - it's hard to know what's in people's minds . She was a sex freak but she couldn't even say the word pussy without blushing . It was odd . A dude was terrorizing a woman at my work and it was getting annoying so I had my buddy Tylenol bash him in the head with a post-hole digger and now it's over but I remember when it was still going on sometimes the other women at work would say to the terroree "don't be scared that's what he wants" . And I get what they were trying to do but that also makes no sense . First of all if a dude calls you and says he's going to assfuck you live on the internet and then eat your fingers whether or not you're actually scared he's going to get off on the assumption that you are . I mean it's not like he's watching you 24/7 - although if he is you have a whole other set of problems . The point is wither or not you are scared the guy got what he wanted . But even beyond that "stop being scared" is about the worst advice for the problem of being scared I've ever heard . I feel like if people could stop being scared they would . Pogo came with me to the hospital to see the dude bashed up head and she asked me why men like to terrorize women so much which I found insulting because I'm not a terrorizer how would I know ? I have a theory of course , I always have a theory . In most cases I don't think it's a man-woman thing specifically , I just think they like scaring people and it's way easier to scare a woman and less risky . Even if you pick out some dweeb man to fuck with he might produce a gun and shoot your nuts off - whereas a lady probably isn't going to do that . Oh and also I changed my mind it probably is a man-woman thing because sex . Remember that time Garfunkle and Oates got cancelled because you assholes didn't watch it ? Here's their wedding song to remind you of what you did and shame you . Today's the day you say forever From now on you stand together Two hearts united in wedded bliss As you say your vows remember this He's got the last penis you're ever gonna see The last penis you'll feel inside your mouth I hope he touches your clit not just your heart Because he's the only one who will until death to you part She's the last woman you'll ever be inside of The last mouth you'll have wrapped around your dick You'll find her less attractive as the years go by But that's the only vagina that will make you cum until you die So congrats to the man and wife For only fucking one another for the rest of your life You know what I'm sick of ? The Art of War . Enough already . That's the definitive work on strategy and tactics ? Bullshit I say . It's full of gems like "attack the enemy when they are weak" "don't attack the enemy when they are strong" "maybe train your dudes to fight ?" "don't tell the enemy your plans" I feel like these are things that didn't need to be turned into a book . I realize that our forefathers were dumb as baboons but even baboons understand these concepts . I mean honestly has there ever been a general throughout history who read the Art of War and went "OH I should learn my enemy's capabilities before I make a plan ? Wow , I never though of that !" No . Fuck you Sun Tzu if you even existed . In fact fuck you even if you didn't exist ! Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I'm thinking that ring will get a bunch of poop stuck in all the nooks and crannies. . And she wonders why dogs like her. And I bet Super Hot's got a brown dildo she hasn't showed you... yet.
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Pink and purple are princess colors. So a pink or purple vibe makes us feel like princesses. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it! ~Princess BJ Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Why didn't you just tell her to take the ring off? Advice books seem to be full of advice for dumb shits.  Vive La Difference
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the art of war is the distillation of war. consider it like cliff notes and it won't bug you near as much You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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