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One hundred orgasms by the end of the year
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One hundred orgasms by the end of the year Fake orgasms are annoying but I get it - you just want to be nice , or you don't want to deal with the aftermath or whatever , it is dumb but it makes sense . What I hate though is when a woman fakes not having an orgasm to make you feel inadequate . That's just shitty behavior . The wizard/spirit Mamargan appeared to me last night and said that I would be granted superpowers - the standard compliment , strength , speed , wisdom , etc. - if I could elicit 100 orgasms by the end of the year . I know to the modern ear that sounds like a dumb name , Mama Rgan ? It probably sounded a lot better in ancient Egypt . But in any event we don't get to pick our names right so be cool about it . Counting today there's 216 days left in the year so basically I need to collect an orgasm every two days . Just to be clear , this is not HAVING orgasms this is inducing others to have them . I mean that would be easy for a dude right ? You could bang that out over a long weekend . I mean men right , if they're not cranking it they're either watching the sports or passing laws to control women's bodies amiright ? Since I'm not with anyone and I have no "game" trying to go at this the traditional route would be a real uphill battle . Even if I did find a lady who wanted to get shaggy all the time its a crapshoot on her orgasm capabilities . Some women never have them , ever , period . And then some women I've met on here orgasm at the drop of a hat . And I mean that literally in one case , there's a lady on here with a hat dropping fetish . No joke . Its like that old saying "Trying to find a woman to have 100 orgasms in 200 days is like a box of chocolates , you never know what you're gonna get ." Herpes probably . So if you can't attack this problem with the conventional methods outlined in the bible your next thought is hookers right ? But do hookers have orgasms ? Probably not generally right ? And even if they did , 100 times ? I'm no economist but that's a load of dough . Who has that kind of money sitting around ? I mean if it was guaranteed to work and get you the superpowers I feel like most people could scrape it together , but that's not the case . Maybe you'll spend all that money and only hit 77 by the end of the year . Note to self - idea for comedy sketch , man goes into bank to ask for loan to bang hookers So at first it seemed like the best idea was to go gay . I'm no prize , but dudes don't care - they'll bang anything and anyone amiright ? Go to a couple gay orgies , set up some gay gangbangs (are they called gayngbangs ? ) have a bunch of dudes jack off on you once or twice and you're golden pony boy . What I worry about there is the disease factor though . Which is not to suggest that gay dudes are more diseased than ladies , but its not like I could fine one gay dude to go to town on me on the reg - this would be unsafe sex scenarios . And I don't think one of the superpowers will be getting rid of STDs . But I realized this morning that I was overlooking a potentially game changing solution - fetish stuff . As far as I can tell whatever you come up with there are people into it . So it seems maybe the best solution would be to send the time to find some sexual niche that you could exploit . For all I know there's a small community of people who are really into watching middle aged fatmen churn butter . I find that site , post a video , and bang - a hundred people masturbate to it and I'm on it like Blue Bonnet . Or people that need to be watched . Anything like that would be a real shortcut .  In any event this is just an thought exercise because I'm not going to go for it . Why ? Two reasons . Firstly I don't think I can be trusted with superpowers . I don't think most people could . Power corrupts and all that . And most people don't really even ever get that much power but they still go mad . I don't even really have much of a temper (I tell myself anyway) but if I had laser beams emitting from my eyes I would probably occasionally lose it and fry someone . Its human nature right ? We're emotionally beings . And do I have the self discipline to control that urge ? Maybe , but why would I want that hassle ? That's the second thing . As Ben Parker said "With great power comes great responsibility" . I believe that . But that's the thing . It sounds like a huge headache . If you have superpowers I feel like you could make the world a .00000000001% better place by making your life 99.99% worse . And I feel like it would be your obligation to do so , because most people can't do anything . The deal is you have the superpowers but how to you employ them to the benefit of mankind ? Fighting crime is the trope but how would that even work ? Even if you fly around "on patrol" what are the chances you'll even see some crime ? And even if you stop it are you going to testify in court to get the dudes locked up ? You'd be in court all the time . And joining the policing force ? Given the rocky nature of the relationship between the constabulary and the people of the United States that seems like a mixed bag . So what then ? Go to the government ? What are they going to have you do ? Foreign policy stuff mostly . And we could have a whole debate on what good that may or may not be doing . Really probably the best bet is to help out with civil projects I guess . Helping a hydro-electric plant get built 13% faster isn't very sexy but its probably the best you could do . So sorry Mamargan I think I'll sit this one out . I do wonder how many orgasms I will engender the remainder of the year . Probably zero . In conclusions - coulrophilia . 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Everything's better with Blue Bonnet on it. But I don't think it is actually butter so it probably doesn't need to be churned. You need to find one of those crazy fetish chicks who likes being dommed and orgasms on command. "COME NOW". Say that 100 times and you're all set.   
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I dedicate my next orgasm to you ... only 99 to go now. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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If you get approval for that bank loan let me know. I'm sure there is gay bukakke porn. That 100 orgasms could be done in 15 minutes or so. They use fluffers for those movies to get the timing right, but the orgasm could still land on you. What is kind of odd is that a search of bukakke turns up porn and noodle recipes. Must be high protein noodles. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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