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Only chicks die with their shirts off
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Only chicks die with their shirts off Last night I had a dream wherein my little bunny and I were a-picnicking in a field of wildflowers having a gay old time when all of a sudden a boogerman came at us . No wait , we were in a car at make-out point , no wait anal point , doing our thing when suddenly we heard the mistakable sound of a hook scraping against the side panel of my 2016 Toyota Corolla . "Do you know what this means ?" she shrieked hysterically . "I'm going to have to get some detail work done ." I said disgustedly . But she was referring to the fact that the hook-hand-man was coming to murder us up real nice . So we did the prudent thing and got out of the car and ran . Why didn't we drive away ? Because we respect tradition you philistine . So the hook-hand-man is a-comin at us and suddenly I have a brainstorm , I take my shirt off . "What are you doing ?" She groaned . "I'm safe now , in horror movies only the chicks die without their shirts on ." I said as I stopped running . "What about me ?!" She gasped . "You best keep running ." I shrugged .  I've realized this is a pretty shrewd idea dream 40 came up with - if I get in trouble I'm pretty sure taking my shirt off will protect me most of the time against other people and supernatural menaces and whatnot . Clearly it won't help me with bears and the like but anything with consciousness is going to be like "Waaa ?" and then I can get away . So you might be saying "Well 40 , why don't you not wear a shirt all the time then and be super-safe ?" Its not worth it , I'll take some risk to keep my man-boobs hidden most of the time . I never understood the expression "Can't win for losing" but I realized today its because I was thinking of the wrong use of the word "for" . Its not for as in belonging to , its for as in because of as in "he could not get an erection for the medicine he was taking" . So the expression means "can't win because of losing" which is silly , because that's like saying "She wasn't tall because she was short" but at least it makes sense . The other day at work they sent me this ; Some people always seem to be cheerful and upbeat. So what's their secret? Turns out, it isn't having loads of money or a perfect body, home or job. Instead, happy people tend to make time for healthy, fulfilling and feel-good activities. Here are eight simple but powerful ways to follow their lead — and cultivate more happiness in your life: The premise of this is that being cheerful and upbeat is desirous , which I don't really buy into . Being happy is good of course , but cheerfulness is often annoying . And upbeatness ? The worst . Anyway , here's the list ; 1. Nurture social ties. Satisfying relationships help us feel fulfilled. But sometimes, time with others takes a backseat to the daily grind. A tip if you struggle with this: Make a point to connect with at least one friend or loved one each day. Do you rely on texts, social media and email to stay in touch? That can be good. But don't let technology entirely replace face-to-face time. 2. Give thanks — for joys big and small Noticing and appreciating what's good in your life can give you a happiness boost — even in rough times. So take moments to be grateful for a helpful co-worker, a cuddle from your pet or even just a really good hair day. Even better: Make it a practice. Writing in a gratitude journal gives you a place to record and reminisce about all that's right with your world. 3. Lend a hand. People who help others tend to feel happier. Consider volunteering regularly for a cause that's important to you. And look for little ways every day to help out friends, family, colleagues or strangers — even if it's just a kind word or caring ear. 4. Talk nicer to yourself. Do you tend to get down on yourself? Enjoy more happiness by questioning and countering your own negative thoughts. Research shows that by making positive shifts in thinking, over time, you can actually change your brain. 5. Find joy in moving. Exercise floods your brain with feel-good hormones. It can also help ease stress and anxiety. Find activities you enjoy — that keep you coming back for more.* And here's a happy little secret: Give yourself a quick mood booster with mini bursts of activity. Even a 10-minute walk or kitchen dance party can perk you up. 6. Create and play. Pursuing creative and playful activities can make you feel good. Whether it's playing board games or air guitar, doodling or double Dutch, encouraging your silly side can bring you joy. 7. Get your pillow time. It's no surprise we're happier when we're well-rested. In fact, getting quality sleep may help reduce the risk for anxiety and depression. Aim for a good seven to nine hours of slumber — for better health and happiness. 8. Look on the brighter side. The next time you're faced with a negative situation, look for the silver lining. Did you manage it OK or learn something new? Nobody's life is perfect. But focusing on the good instead of the bad can help tough times seem more manageable. Remember, you have choices. You may find your bliss by choosing those that add more meaning to your life. And that's certainly something to be happy about. Normally I'd add my own snide commentary , but this time I'm not going to . So I guess that's just filler . Deal with it . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I miss the snide commentary  Those 8 tips sound awfully familiar - I almost wonder if they ended up in MY workplace's health newsletter too. They sound pretty corny of course, but it's pretty hard to argue with any of them.   
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Nothing wrong with being happy. I would liked to have heard the snide comments as well. All in all a great blog dude.
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Btw, man boobs are nothing to be ashamed of.
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I had Imaginary 40 whispering subliminal snidery while I was reading so, I'm good. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Talk nicely to yourself with a headset/bluetooth on. People will think you're being nice to someone else. They can note that in their thankfulness journal, and you can have both hands free to be really appreciative to yourself. That might count as aerobics too. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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