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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Captain said to big old John Henry , That old drill keeps a-coming around
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Captain said to big old John Henry , That old drill keeps a-coming around So this one time aliens came to destroy the earth and I said to them I said "If you want to destroy this earth , being the fourth incarnation of the third cycle of mortality on file as 9485785,68863:2141,70036233 then you'll have to go through me first ." And they were surprised because they had done their research on all of us so I says to them I says "I may hate this planet and everything on it , but this is where I keep al my stuff ." And they offered to put my stuff somewheres else and I asked where and when they were distracted thinking about it I sucker kicked them right in their dirty alien dicks and sent them packing back to Epsilon Eridani . Because it weren't true , I don't hate this earth and I don't hate all the things on it - some of the things I like . Such as music , Waranwallqa , Caribbean Monk Seals , dumb poetry , and New South Wales . I'd rather drowned in misery than gone to New South Wales. There's no time for mischief there, remember that, they say Oh they'll flog the poaching out of you down there in Botany Bay. I'll get the bastards one and all, I'll gun the floggers down. I'll give them all a little treat, remember what I say And they'll yet regret they sent Jim Jones in chains to Botany Bay. Consider this - heavy wet snow is the worst , but heavy wet women are the best . I bought some generic cream cheese the other day . Its awful . Do you think it would be good of I made a mixture of it with garlic and chive and stuffed it in a butterflied chicken breast or would it still suck ? I acknowledge that most of the views my profile gets are made up BS by the AFFbots to trick me , but there's a couple "people" that view my profile every 3-4 weeks . They aren't in my area and they don't read my blog . Which would make me think they're not really viewing but the fact that they keep turning up makes me think maybe they are . Its vexing . I found a big hair growing out the middle of my forehead this morning . It really never ends does it ? First the stomach , then the shoulders , then the lower back , then the ears , then the nose , then the backs of your hands , then the ass ; so if I live long enough I'm just going to be a small fat wookie ? I guess that could work .  57 40deuce Funbucks to whoever can guess how many times I've posted a picture of a wookie getting sexed up . Someone said this morning "I don't know why X keeps happening , I do Y religiously" and I was on the verge of making a snarky comment such as "you mean you only do it twice a year half-heatedly" but I swallowed that snark because there's too much of that these days . I'm tired of it . When's the last time anyone said anything unironically ? 2009 ? But the point is that expression is kind of passé in our modern secular hell-bound world , I think what you should say instead is that do something "as much as I check my phone" . Because people do that a lot . A lot . Remember that time I wanted to be president of blogs ? I've learned to manage my expectations . Now I just want to be mayor . You know , at first I thought the message of Unfriended was "Don't take calls from the dead" but I realized that's only if you were mean to them , otherwise its probably fine - they're just calling to say "hi" probably not posses and kill you . Like if Alan Rickman called me I'd answer . Also why didn't anyone tell me Alan Rickman was dead ? I was talking about Basilosaurus Isis this morning , as I often do , and someone said "why should we care about some long-extinct fish ?" and I said that its a whale actually and the person snorted and said "Is there really a difference between a fish and a whale ?" and I explained that whales need to breath air whereas fish can extract oxygen from the water and he said "So what ? Is that really different ?" I feel like it is . Also why do fish need oxygen ? I know there was no oxygen in our atmosphere until the Oxygen Holocaust 2.3 billion years ago but was there oxygen in the water ? I guess there had to be right , since water is 1 oxygen and 2 hydrogens making sweet sweet love . Threesomes are happening in your lungs right now . Billions of them . Alright the "good" part of the blog is over , the angry douchey part begins here - stop reading if you wish . So I get home from work and I go out to shovel and after a while one of the dudes my ex- neighbor is banging comes out and watches me for a while . Then he comes over and asks "Why didn't you do this this morning ?" and I said that as long as the snow is light I prefer to sleep in and do it when I get home from work . And he stares at me for a while and says "You think that's it ? Because I think its because you're a fucking moron ." So I shrug and go back to shoveling and he stands there for a good 10 minutes watching me and then nods to himself like "yeah , I showed that fucking guy !" and then goes inside to bang my neighbor's disease ridden busted out ex- pussy . You might be wondering why is this white trash piece of shit beefing with me ? I have no idea . I've never talked to him before , never interacted with him in any way , I have no clue if I've ever done anything that effected him in any way . I can only conclude that he's one of these cocksucking motherfuckers who beefs with everyone for no reason . And yet if I were to slit this throat I would go to jail - despite the fact that doing so would empirically make the world a better place . So then I go over to my parents place to shovel and some other cocksucking motherfucker is out walking his stupid piece of shit and he comes around and says to me "You know you're supposed to shovel within 24 hours don't you ?" (It snowed yesterday morning also) "No I didn't thanks for letting me know" I lied and went back to shoveling . He just stands there eyeballing me for a while and then says "You're not going to do it are you ?" I says "Do what ?" and he says "Shovel within 24 hours if it snows again ." I keep doing what I'm doing and finally I say to the guy I say "Dude , what do you want from me ?" He says he wants a little civility and I say "I didn't come up to you , you came up to me - how about you be civil and leave me the fuck alone ?" He leaves in a huff . So then I go over to shovel at my sister's house and her fat skinny piece of shit cocksucking motherfucker neighbor comes out with a shovel and then just stands there giving me the stinkeye . And I realize she's waiting for me to go over and say "Oh let me clear off your driveway too , free of charge ma'am , you go inside and have yourself some coca ." Go fuck yourself lady , I'm just as old and fat as you - your shit is not my problem . So then I'm driving home and I come to a 4-way stop the same time as another dude . We both sit there and wait , then we both try to go at the same time and both stop and both wait and then both try to go at the same time and stop . So then I floor it because I am sick of this and he lays on the horn and flips me off . FUCK THAT GUY If I had a button in my car that would shatter that guy's skull - and not kill him , keep him alive in agony for 40-50 years , I would still be holding it down . Mostly I'm okay with being a hermit , but one thing that is bad about hermitage is that you don't learn how to deal with cocksucking motherfuckers . And that's bad because most people you deal with are cocksucking motherfuckers - because non-CSMFs don't hassle you , they mind their own business so you don't have to deal with them . Some of you are probably thinking "You should stand up for yourself you pussy" . Why ? What's the point ? I don't even really understand what that means . If someone is all up in your business and you beef with them what is accomplished ? On the plus side I met the new audit manager at work and her ass is dynamite . The best ass I've ever seen for sure . Maybe the best ass in the galaxy . Yeah , GALAXY , I'm including the Red Square Nebula !  I need to stop blogging while angry - I've been a real blogdick lately . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Another good thing about my new neighborhood - I don't have neighbors who snowblow their own driveway and then come and try to make conversation while I'm still shoveling my ass off. Or who wait until you have just a tiny bit left and then walk over and say, 'oh I would have helped you'. There's so many ways for snow shoveling to produce rage.   
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On behalf of all us heavy wet women - I thank you. I no longer have to shovel snow and we have barely any anyway. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Another one of those fun things is when you are trying to plow a parking lot and someone pulls in and parks in front of the plow. Uh, EXCUSE ME, I'LL JUST GO AROUND YOU AND SPRAY SALT ON YOUR CAR. Back in the 80's a plow driver in Chicago got drunk and started ramming parked cars after a 12 hour shift. At home I use a snowblower if at all possible. I have like 280 feet of sidewalk. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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