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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
I don't trust anyone who doesn't eat ramen
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I don't trust anyone who doesn't eat ramen "I love raw men !" - a cannibal Of course the day after my gold membership expires I get a message from a lady . It was probably a bot , in which case good job Affairlook you scammed me out of one month of gold - which I would have wagered against heavily not so long ago . Call me desperate if you like but when you're a dude , especially a dude like me , an unsolicited message from a woman is a rare and wonderful thing . Last week I was chatting with a lady and she asked me "when's the last time you got high ?" and I said that I had never gotten high and she said "I don't trust people who don't get high" and that was that , game over for 40 . As someone who makes irrational snap judgments and then sticks with them inflexibly I admire her for that . As a person being summarily rejected I want to whine "that's not fair" like a stupid crybaby . Saying things aren't fair is for and it sickens me . I get this kind of response semi-oftenly and its annoying ; I don't trust people who don't drink (half a mimosa accidentally doesn't count I guess) I don't trust people who don't swear (its probably hard to tell from online but IR I don't swear) I don't trust anyone without a cellphone That last one probably makes sense , most dudes who claim they don't have a cell are probably married liars . But I'm willing to give up my stupid analog old person number so they should trust me right ? Right ? Everyone's got the lottery fever right now , what would you do if you won , what would you do if you won , what would you do if you won , barf . So on the radio they did a bit were they listed things that are more likely than winning the lottery - its not a new bit but people like it . One of them was if you used a monkey to randomly choose left or right you'd have a better chance of getting wherever you want to go than of winning the lottery . People had a hard time believing it , but I think the monkey GPS is as reliable as the sun coming up compared to the lottery . For example if you make 7 turns to get wherever you're going that means the monkey GPS has a 1% (roughly) chance of getting you were you want to go . AKA one in a hundred . AKA three MILLION times more likely than winning the lottery . Its one of those things were our stupid human brains can't deal with it when you have very large or very small numbers . By the by the monkey would get me to work about 3% of the time but as one of my blog watchers loves to point out I live in a one- hicktown in flyover land . "But our symphony has an outstanding national reputation as one of the country’s leading regional orchestras" I say but she just laughs because they played in a high school for a decade . I cry my little eyes out . A lady said to me today "you're lucky you don't have " and I said "I don't think luck had anything to do with it , I wear condoms" although I suppose condoms are only 99.99% effective (chance of failure 30,000 times more likely than winning the lottery) but on any particular day there's only a .5% chance of a woman becoming pregnant given the givens assuming the assumptions so the chance of the condom failing and the women getting pregnant are only .005% . Anyway , I think she meant "you're lucky , you don't have " . The information we use at my job is a joke , so I became curious wherefrom it came . I dug into it a little bit and we use a service that complies a database that tracks media reports through Gooogle and Yahooo alerts which "scan billions of pages" . Are you FUCKING kidding me ? We trust the internet ? We trust the Obama is not American , snorting Smarties gives you nose maggots , women are dying their armpit hair , China owns your mortgage internet ? This explains a lot . Speaking of , the company I work for , which shall remain nameless for legal reasons , got in BIG trouble today because it was discovered we were using proxies to take certifications ; as in "Sally , Jim needs to be certified on REDACTED but he's an idiot and won't pass , you say you're Jim and do it m'kay ?" If you can find the blogpost where I mentioned this happening and how we would get in BIG trouble for it one day you get 40 Deucebucks ! I was watching a TV show once where the Fonz (not the character but the actor) was cheating on his wife and his found out at got mad and killed the lady with whom the Foz was cheating . He (the ) got caught so the Fonz confessed falsely to save his . But then after he was in prison the killed himself so then he wanted out of prison because men were having sex in the Foz's butthole without his permission . I never saw the end of that . I wonder what happened . A lady asked me today what I would "rate" myself . I've never known how that scale was supposed to work . Because if 1 is the maximum level of human ugliness and 10 is the maximum level of human beauty then almost everyone is a five . I mean on that scale Kate Upton would be a soft 6 right ? But if 1 is just a level of ugliness where it no longer matters how ugly you are and 10 is the level of beauty where it no longer matters the degree of your beauty that's entirely different . On that scale I'm like a 3 , I'm not the best but I'm no pigman either . This is "the perfect 10" Tye Dillinger  Would you say he's a ten ? He's definitely built but his head is average at best and that tattoo is like a zero . He's no Bo Derek right ? And finally , I was gabbin' with the gals at work today and one of them complained that men can say "schwing" (which no one says anymore) when they see a hot girl but women have nothing they can say when they see a hot guy . And I said "yes you do , women can say 'sploosh'" . It took a minute for that to sink in but then their faces all turned so red it was freaky . But they're on the ones who brought it up ! Why is it that people can talk about erections like that's totally mainstream and okay for all audiences but when I talk about juicy vaginas I'm a perv ? There is no justice people , I tell you . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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A good random blog post. I also read your profile, good job may the ass play woman you seek drop into your lap soon lol.
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Hmm no, that guy doesn't really do it for me. But then you know me, my idea of a 10 is Ira Glass, or Dean Strang, the nerdy attorney on Making a Murderer.   
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Oh No! I am sooo untrustworthy. I don't eat ramen, I've never gotten high, I don't think that dude is worth a sploosh. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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The big vein on his arm reminds me of the big vein that goes across the boob on some women. You decide whether that's good or not. SPLOOSH --LOL Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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