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This just in - knives are sharp !
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This just in - knives are sharp ! "I am a wanted criminal on a hundred worlds and a thousand moons . The bounty on my head exceeds the value of the mineral wealth of your entire solar system . If I am captured I will be imprisoned until the end of the universe and tortured beyond that time point ." The Dragon Star , earth's mightiest hero (debatably) I got a new entertainment center the other day seeing as my old entertainment center was less an entertainment center and more a card table with one leg missing and holes cut it in for cables . This this was huge (like my cock) and heavy , it had a little sticker on it that said "mechanical lift only" . In completely unrelated news my back hurts for some reason . When I started to unpack it for assemblage I realized it short order that my pocket knife wasn't going to cut it (PUN ! ) so I had to wheel out the big guns Crocodile Dundee style . Was the blonde chick from Crocodile Dundee anyone or was she just some blonde chick ? I think that was the first time I was like "aw yeah , I want a piece of that action" in my life . Anyway , I got the big knife , known to some as Machete Junior and quickly sliced most of my own face off .  You see here's the thing , all the Boy Scout knife safety training in the world doesn't mean much when you use a trusty pocketknife most of the time . Why ? Because they're not really that sharp . At all . So you develop poor knife handling habits . Habits that when you use a real knife lead to you quickly cutting your own face off . Remember the movie Face/Off ? I don't . Because I never saw it . Because it looked awful . Anyway , I'm<b> bleeding </font></b>to death right now and I wanted you to know that my last thoughts were of you . Taking your clothes off . White Men Can't Jump was on this morning . I had forgotten that you see tons of Rose Perez boobs in that movie - like tons . Also I forgot she used to pretty fucking hot . Maybe I didn't forget , maybe I never knew - I may have only see that movie edited for television . Also I almost called her Rosie Mendez , is that racist ? Probably . I wouldn't mind seeing her topless either , but obviously would not be as good .  In looking back through my old blog posts it seems that what this blog is really about is me telling you what kind of porn I'm watching . So here's what I'm into right now . The action itself no long matters , I've seen millions of dudes humping millions of ladies at this point - its lost all meaning . What matters now is the set up . There's a site called Real Wife Stories which has a lot of stuff where a dude's wife is banging some other dude while he's in the other room or some such . The best is when they're carrying on a conversation while she's getting plowed . I watched one the other day where the lady and the dude were getting it on in the bed where the husband was still sleeping . And at the end the husband woke up and shed a single tear . It was awesome . "Cry you poor bastard cry , your tears gives me strength !" I shouted as I climaxed . That's pretty fucked up right there . Remember the other day when I said as I get older I seem to be getting more perverted ? That . I saw a lady at the grocery store this morning with a clipboard and a pen (and a broken down husband pushing the cart) . As someone who rarely even brings a list shopping I find that level of organization somewhat disturbing . Also normally there's hardly anyone there on a Sunday morning but today there was tons of hot women everywhere . What was that about ? Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Perhaps you could cuckold broken down shopping cart husband - and your life would be complete.  
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