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Super Spunk...
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Super Spunk...  With all the comic book superhero being splattered across screens, it has literally caused geeks across the planet to cream themselves. Which is kind of insensitive, since the arguably "one true god of superheroes" can't even have sex or reproduce for that matter. Superman can't get laid. That...Super Sucks for him. Superman is not human. He's an extra terrestrial. Which...in and of itself isn't his problem. I mean Spielberg's E.T. could potentially get laid but Superman can't? Exactly true. Why? Simply because Superman is indestructible save green kryptonite, red kryptonite, and the hardly ever mentioned gold kryptonite. Did you know there was gold kryptonite? I bet you didn't. But...there is and I'll tell you what they each do to the man of steel at some point. So...since Superman is indestructible...all of him is indestructible. He's faster than a speeding bullet, a lot faster and he's able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. His eyelids hold back laser beams for frick sake not forgetting to mention his xray vision which allows him to see all the naked women he wants. Which is probably more a curse than a gift. Anyway... let's break it down a bit further...shall we... We can make the assumption that S-man must be able to control his powers or every time he took a step he'd crash through the street. So when S-man was Superboy he honed his abilities and learned how to exist without breaking shit up. Makes sense. But...if he were to have intercourse with a woman he would kill her. First, he'd have to temper back so much I don't think he'd enjoy it. I could be wrong. But consider this...one second of loss of concentration would cause him to literally gut his partner like a fish, from crotch to head. You know how it is...you start off slow and gentle and then you want to go harder, deeper, faster...he can't do that. He can't go harder. He'd plow right through her. Next...let's assume he can control his rythem and doesn't break her back, impale her or open her up like a book. Orgasm has often been compared to an epileptic seizure. Your muscles tighten up and you blank out a bit. Temporary loss of muscle control. Boom...she's a bloody carcass. I might buy that Superman could hold his speed and not have an orgasm and as fascinated by tantric sex as I am, you gotta let it fly once in a while and he can't. Superman's ejaculate would tear through her flesh and not like a bullet. More like a tiny diamond hard supersonic rocket. Can Superman get a bj? Can he get a handy? Can he even masterbate without blowing the roof off his house? I think he could rub one out but he'd most certainly have to catch it all in his hand but his sperm is indestructible too. It would live until it starved or dried up or died somehow. That brings us to whether he could knock a chick up. He can't without killing her. Even if he somehow could control everything...slow his ejaculate down...there are millions of sperm in ejaculate. The 1 sperm attaches to the egg and forms a cover around it so no other sperm can fertilize the egg. Well...S-mans other sperm would evicerate that egg just trying to get there. OK...let's say...he could control the release of a single sperm to fertilize an egg, which, he can't, but let's say he can. As the fetus grew in super baby momma it would have superpowers. At least a few, maybe not all. If it had the heat ray vision it would incinerate mommy. Not on purpose but I bet eyes grow before eyelids inutero and the fetus can't control its body. Let's say super-fetus doesn't get ray eye beams and it gets super strength. The first time the baby kicked would kill mom probably from internal injuries or bleeding or popping a tiny foot right through something fairly vital...yuck. OK, those are not dominant genes and they are suppressed. How about the frozen breath thing? The fetus would freeze mom from the inside out. So...it's not possible for Superman to have sex with a human. Maybe Wonder Woman I'd have to research that...maybe She-Hulk but she's a Marvel Character and Superman is DC Comics... Wait...Superman could have sex with Supergirl...but...that's his baby cousin...and I just don't see it happening. I have a whole theory on whether he could artificially inseminate too...but that will have to wait for another day. Do me a favor...go look at one of my other posts and make a comment... please... |
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What's going on over there? Embrace the suck
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If someone steals my "Big Bang After Dark" idea and puts it on television...you get a spanking... Do me a favor...go look at one of my other posts and make a comment... please...
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Somebody needs a road trip. Embrace the suck
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